SIMON & PETER

Simon and Peter have been sharing a new flat for a couple of months.

"Peter", says Simon one day, " my mother is hinting strongly that it's about time we invited her round to see the new place".

"Fine", says Peter, "send her an e-mail". "Yeah!", responded Simon, " but you don't know my mother; something ALWAYS goes walkies after one of her visits".

Anyway, Simon contacted his mother, who duly came round to dinner a week later. Simon couln't help noticing throughout the meal that his mother kept giving furtive glances at Peter. After the meal, Simon pulled his mother to one side and questioned her slightly strange behaviour.

"Your new flatmate Peter is a very handsome boy", she said in a suggestive tone. Simon, realising the insinuation, replied in a defensive but assertive voice that he and Peter were simply friends and flatmates; end of story! His mother eventually departed, to both the boys' relief.

Ten days later, Peter said to Simon, "Simon, have you seen the frying-pan? I've looked everywhere for it these last few days and assumed you had broken it or something".

"That's funny", replied Simon, "I've been wondering where it was, too; maybe my mother appropriated it when she was here; I told you what she was like! I'll e-mail her to ask".

'Dear mother', Simon wrote, 'I'm not saying that you DID walk off with our new frying-pan, and I'm not saying you DIDN'T walk off with it, but it's been missing since your visit'

His mother e-mailed back promptly with the message 'Dear Simon, I'm not saying that you DO sleep with Peter, and I'm not saying that you DON'T sleep with him, but I'd have thought that he would have found it in his bed by now'